YOU!

So I just completed a survey on SurveyMonkey about someone whom you have/are having a relationship with.. and it made me... mad, and sad... VERY pissed, and very upset. It reminded me of YOU. YOU know who you are. YOU. Yes, YOU. I spent YEARS with you. I gave my HEART, my EVERYTHING to you. I would have DIED for you; gone to HELL AND BACK for you... and still you have the nerve to hate ME; to BEAT ME; to HIT me in my HEART, to slap me in my FACE, plants bombs in my MIND. I was going to MARRY YOU; spend the rest of  my LIFE with YOU!

AH!

I don't even know where I was bloody going with this.

YOU know who you are.

YOU caused all of this hate and pain.

YOU did.

YOU!

Account Restoration, Separation, and Other Things

First edit in over a year! :o

Account Restoration: Hopefully this is self-explanatory. :p

Separation: Hope this explains itself as well; am with teh lovely Haley Sue Rose (AKA OnyxRose), erm, Kirk now. <3>

Other Things: What other things? You mean like losing The Game? :o

What an Adventure: Four Days at My Girlfriend's House

Pardon my tartness and rudeness on this one, as I am jumping straight into it after this foreword. I'm also currently writing a post on theology and general religion, and so I'm typing this one as a quick filler about my days spent over there until I can get my other post typed up.


I got home at ~16.00 on Thursday. Unusual since we usually were just arriving in Middlebury by 16.00, much less dropping me off (about fifteen minutes early). My girlfriend texts me, asks me if I would spend the night. I said no on account on my having school the following day. An argument ensued, and I told her that I'd consider it. My father and I went to DQ across the street; a rare occurrence these days; between my father's looming divorce, my schoolwork, my daughter and girlfriend, and life in general, there wasn't much time to go out and eat, even if it is just across the street. Money is another issue altogether, although he had managed to obtain some offered to take me with, and I obliged. After eating and talking, we returned home and continued talking for several more minutes, before I eventually went to my room.

I considered my options, and figured that in order to avoid another argument and see my girlfriend and daughter, I might as well just go ahead and spend the night. However, I bring my computer this time, as I have been playing Need for Speed: Underground 2. Unfortunately, I forgot my modem and so was restricted to FB Mobile, MySpace Mobile, and Twitter Mobile. Not too bad. I have unlimited texting on my phone and I can text almost anyone that I chat with online anyhow. Her mother picked me up at around 23.45. If I may go off on a side note. Of course I can; it's my blog! She is 60? ..and she cannot sleep alone (which she has a dog and my daughter there) in the house that her husband designed and paid for and on the property that they have resided on for 20 years.. *sigh* ..anyways... I played NFSU2 on Thursday night until around 02.00. During this time we (my girlfriend and I) got into another argument, in which it got so bad that she told me to leave. During the course of the argument, she called three times initially, and I figured it was to scream at me. :p

Turns out her car wouldn't start because of low gas (this is true; if your car has less than a quarter to a half tank, it is much more difficult to start in cold weather, as some of the piping can freeze). I did not know this and blatantly ignored all three calls. I finally called her back, and we played phone tag for a bit before she admitted that she was walking home. We resumed the game of phone tag, during the course of which I learned that she had walked back to her car, had gotten it started, and was on her way home. When she got home, she refused to come inside because I was there, and so I went outside.

When I did, I walked up to her car, opened the door, and attempted to touch her, upon which she lashed out (probably rightfully so) and tried to close the car door, apparently without seeing my fat self in the way (not sure how you miss me, but, apparently, you can.. :p). She turns off her car, goes inside, and I walk off... in the snow, with the wind kicking up, all that. Not to be dramatic. Just to paint a better visual. I started walking down US 120 (it is "US" 120 and not SR 120, right? I think that it's actually SR 120... but, I digress. As usual. :p)

As per our regular fights... we get into an argument, I walk off, she comes after me, I keep walking, she gets mad again, I keep walking, she breaks down, I walk for a little while longer, and then let her catch me, and we walk home. That's fine when it's 70F outside. It's not when it's 0F. :P We walk back, get under the covers to warm my now mostly numb extremities, and make up and break up (Seriously.), and wind up making up/out, and then we talk for a little while longer, and then she goes up to bed.

Saturday, I slept in until around 10.45/11.45, got up, and was watching her (who would I watch.. if you have to ask yourself that question, then I am not answering it..) so that my girlfriend could sleep in. She slept until around 14.25, and then she got up, came downstairs, and laid down with me in the TV room and we watched TV for a while. We waited for her mother to get home, the baby to take her nap and then get up again, and then she took a shower.

After that, she cleaned the upstairs bathroom, and, while she did, I began to clean out her bedroom. She gave the baby a bath, and her mother put her up to bed as we left. We got into a slight argument over finding my glasses (technically my brother's glasses, but, details.. :p), since I can't see six inches in front of me without them. We find them, they're under the couch, she gets her arm stuck, I lift up the couch, her arm is OK. I grab my computer/controller, we leave.

We go to the Linway Cinema in Goshen, and wind up watching Country Strong. Great movie, BTW. Highly recommend it! A girl gets to punch Tim McGraw in the face and then make out with him. :p *jealous* Anyways. After the movie, during which we cuddled quite a bit, we decided to go to Applebees, and had fun there as well. :) Finally, we wind up on our way to my house, I get home, and, well.. you know.. :o)

After all of the situations are resolved, and I am sitting her typing this.. I must say.. I am quite happy.. I am relaxed, somewhat content (as much as I can be in my current situation), and.. I'm just writing this to.. IDK. Is there something better (besides sleep) - that's legal - that I should be doing this late? I didn't think so either.


Quick note: If any of these dates and/or times are mistaken... forgive me. I'm writing this at 03.00 right before I go to sleep. I may not remember them exactly as they were, especially since all of the days just kind of blended together.

The Human Heart

We spend years growing up, learning how to be adults, learning how to fit into whatever it is our parents want, or our teachers preach.

Anyways, that's the purpose. What they all fail  to teach us, or prepare us for, is the the dangers of the heart,;how truly fragile it is, how much care it needs. And how to best recover when our worlds are rocked.

Unfortunately, there is probably nothing they can do. Sadly, most people just say,"I told you so," or,"You'll get better, it hurts for a time."

We go on afterwards thinking,"Oh my God, this pain, how can we possible live thorough this?!"

And then, we do. Somehow, we're still alive. And the pain? Does it fade? Not when we lie awake at night, thinking about what we've lost... then it comes back, hard and fast. But, when it does, it's easier to take, because somehow our hearts have healed. Sure, some hearts don't heal back to their original state, but, whether a heart is full of scar tissue, or the tears are barely visible.

The point is... they're whole. They withstand pain beyond anything our physical bodies can know, because, when it comes down to it, the physical bodes can never understand that pain. And, we learn, and grow.

Take care of your hearts... learn to watch our for them, even in the darkest of times; they protect us. And they give us our humanity.

Best Friends, Friends, and Honorable Mentions

Of course, I wouldn't be where I am without my best friends:

Colton Reeves for the nine years of friendship -- Cheers mate!, Angelica, Joseph Warrender for always being on there when I needed you, Airy, for everything, Crystal for being there, Brittany Miller for kicking my ass when it needed it, Samie, for all the love, Michelle, for making my life worth living again, Cathy for everything that you've done, Mike, for all of the wonderful homosexual sex, and John for crying with me.



Honorable Mententions include: Melissa, the most amazing aunt I've ever known, David for putting up with me, and leading UIA through all of the hard times, both in KoC and KD, Matthew, for being my co-leader and my spiritual guidance for UIA, Bruce for being my first friend on Cyanide-x, Kevin for being a kick-ass friend, Adrienne for being there, Tyler for everything, John.... for being my friend... even after the backstabbing, my brother, Cris, for taking all of the bull, Yvonne for being the mother I never had, Anita for letting me run away to your house, Pastors Scott, Bill and Mark for praying and bowling with me, Pastors Patty and Lowell Hustell, as well as Pastor Chestor Boyd, for the guidance, and prayer. Hans.. memories there... but most of all I would like to thank my father, Cristian Hunter Dodd, for giving me my life, my support, and the source of all of my inspiration!

We

We hide because we want to be found,


we walk away because we want to see who follows,

and we let our hearts get broken to see who cares enough to fix them

Why We Love Them

Why do boys fall in love with girls?



1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo.

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.

3. How cute they look when they sleep.

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms.

5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.

6. How cute they are when they eat.

7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.

8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.

9. The way they look good no matter what they wear.

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth.

11. How cute they are when they argue.

12. The way her hand always finds yours.

13. The way they smile.

14. The way you feel when you see their name on the your cell after you just had a big fight.

15. The way she says,"Let's not fight anymore," even though you know that an hour later....

16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight.

17. The way they kiss you when you say,"I love you".

18. Actually... just the way they kiss you.

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.

20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt.

23. The way they say,"I miss you".

24. The way you miss them.

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.





Yet, regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world doesn't matter; they become everything to you. When you look them in their eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitabley consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons; no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.





A feeling.





Only felt.

If you were a(n)...

If you were an angel, and you had it all: couldn't feel pain, couldn't bleed, heard the music in the sun rise, and helped people when in pain. And could even hear what people were thinking. But the question is: If you fell in love with a human so bad you wanted to feel her touch, wanted to make love to her, and you had a second chance to live.. but, you would have to give up all you had as an angel. Would you do that just for the girl you loved that bad? To be able to bleed and feel people's touch and pain? Really, think about it... this goes for girls, too, but it's mainly for guys to answer. That is, if they really love you. But the question is:

Would they do all that just to be with the one they love?