Late Night Confessional

As I head off to bed tonight - bed, not necessarily sleep - I have noticed something peculiar, and quite unusual... I am heading off tonight... extremely and almost, if not, completely and totally content... and that is not something that I - nor, I assume many others - have been afforded the luxury of in a VERY long time.

Maybe it's that my GF and I finally worked out our argument and are getting back together. Maybe it's that I am seeing my mother again after a year and a half. Maybe it's that November is finally starting to feel like November - weather-wise, I mean. I don't know if it is one, some, any, or none of these.

However, there is one thing that I can take pride in knowing for sure: Now that I can finally start to be content with what I have, I have the ability to move forward with my life, which is something that I had been struggling with recently.

I don't know.. maybe I'm just rambling on and on over nothing. Or maybe not. In any case.. it is now 04:25, and despite the fact that I do not have to go to school in the morning, 10 hours of sleep over a four day period is definitely not good personal upkeep.

So, I shall now sign off here... and I leave you all with this...

True Feelings and Other Contemplations

Just a random comment before I start on my newest self-confession.. wait.. did I say self-confession? Oh well.. not like anyone reads these anyways.. '-.-

Ah, right, the comment.. I think the Title of this post could be a Title for a book. :) Anyways, onto my "self-confession"..

Coming to the realization that I am going to be married by year's end, am going to finish high school after four of what I can only describe as unfortunately dreadful years, and then entering into full-time military service, to provide for both myself and my family - not to mention beating this moth to death on an LCD screen... - seemed to have done something to me.. and, I apologize in advance for what seems to be a hastily and not so well put together article, but, it is what I am producing on impulse and without hesitation, which, I have learned, is when I type and learn the best.. now.. onwards with the article.. after much unneeded filler text... what exactly has this done to me, though..?

I wish I knew, I really do. :p

It has most certainly changed me, although, not moreso than any other life-changing experience can or will..

..that's not to say that having a child can ever been rivaled by something as petty as a job promotion, however... that is simply a petty matter of misappropriation of priorities, and shall be discussed later, when I have the inkling and the time.. for now.. just know that it is a simple comparison and shall, for the purposes of this article, be treated as such..

..for those few remaining readers, I applaud your interest in such a misaligned article.. such a jumbled mess couldn't seemingly be even considered an article by most, yet, by you, it is.. quite.. in any case, we shall proceed..

Where was I..? Oh, right, life-changing stuff... hrm... not really all that sure where I should continue with this... normally I would say something "inspirational"... however, on one occasion, I said that I was truly tired, and was going to lie down... unfortunately, I am in quite a predicament, as I am veering from both the usual and unusual routines.. but.. for the sake of my unusual argument, I suppose that I shall do both..

Go live your life, or some such thing.. oh, and, be sure to tell me that this article sucks, and flame me... those always get the most man-points for being a big, cool kid with a keyboard and an Internet connection... for those of you like me.. the oh so very few... I bid you a fair ado... so long, farewell, until we meet again... :)

Pain

What is pain?

I know pain.

I experience and suffer through it every day.

But, do you? Pain is when you cry,

Pain is when you're sad,

Pain is when you cut, and bleed,

Pain is a form of mental pain that's unescapable by any means No matter how hard you try,

Or beg, or fight it,

You just simply can't

It's so overpowering that when it hits you, you're paralyzed,

That's all you can do,

Is just suffer through it And if you struggle, it only gets worse,

And the pain just increases,

Until you can't see, or hardly breathe, or even think So, I still question whether or not people truly understand the meaning of pain,

Because I'm guessing they haven't even experienced sadness,

For sadness is the originator of all sorrow and pain


-Dennis Dodd (10/26/1992)

Mental Thinking

I've noticed... that there's different thinking styles... and each one does or doesn't get along with another thinking styled. For example, there's hypocrites. They tell someone not to do something, and then do it themselves. A good example would be someone who tells someone not to smoke, but yet smokes themselves. Personally, this drives me insane. But there are also religious thinking people. They dedicate themselves completly and totaly to their Lord. But then... there's also people like me, and Paul, and my father. We... have our own ways of thinking and doing. We.. will never be understood by anyone other than the people who think we do, because we have no way to explain ourselves. Either you know us, REALLY know us, or you know nothing about us. So my question to you is: What kind of mental thinking style do you have, and how does it affect you, and others around you? And don't just come on here and answer these questions. Most might. But if you do, I'll delete your comment. You need to sit down and really think, and you might be suprised at how you really think, rather than how you or others might manipulate into thinking. Then, when you've done that, come on here, and reply. But until then, just think about it.

If you were a(n)...

If you were an angel, and you had it all: couldn't feel pain, couldn't bleed, heard the music in the sun rise, and helped people when in pain. And could even hear what people were thinking. But the question is: If you fell in love with a human so bad you wanted to feel her touch, wanted to make love to her, and you had a second chance to live.. but, you would have to give up all you had as an angel. Would you do that just for the girl you loved that bad? To be able to bleed and feel people's touch and pain? Really, think about it... this goes for girls, too, but it's mainly for guys to answer. That is, if they really love you. But the question is:

Would they do all that just to be with the one they love?

Memories

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. it can be anything you want - good or bad. when you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised about what people remember about you.

What happened?

That is my question: What happened? One day we're 1 year old, playing in the sandbox, the next, we're 14, and the next we're 50. So.. I'm trying to slow down, and figure some things out... it's just too bad that other people are to late... So what I'm saying is just sit down and think: Are you TRULY happy? I KNOW I'm not. Yes, I have the most beautiful girl in the world, who would do anything for me... but I'm not happy for myself. I've made far too many mistakes, and done FAR too many things... Like not supporting my girlfriend like I should've. So... I'm not asking her to forgive me... I'm asking myself what I'm going to do to change myself, not to necessarily better myself, but to change and not make the same mistakes again... because I know that if I do... I may never see her again.. and I couldn't live without her... She gives me my purpose. She gives me a reason to get up in the morning.... Why do you think I get up? To see her. Why do you think I can't go five seconds without thinking of her? Why do you think I go to school? To see her. Why do you think that I wish it was Monday on the weekends that I don't see her?... Just to see her... And she doesn't know how much she means to me... Yes, I've been an asshole to her, and yes, I don't deserve her... but I just think everyone else should stop and think, before thier life is over before it starts... otherwise you'll regret ever getting up in morning... trust me... I said this is one of my other blogs: Don't waste 14 years of your life like I did... And seriously, don't. Go, sit down, and seriously consider if you're truly happy, otherwise you're bound to make the same mistakes I did. ... "Why do we learn history? Why, because, quite simply: If we are to forget history, than it shall be bound to repeat itself... and we don't want another World War Two, now do we?"